By Flicky Gildenhuys
Think filling in an program shape on your child's new college and realising there isn't enough room to incorporate all of the adults who play a job within the child's existence. nowadays, 'parent' may well suggest delivery mother or father, step-parent or co-parent, and the concept that of 'family' is going method past the legendary 'mom-dad-and kids'. mixing households makes an attempt to deal with a number of the demanding situations of merging confirmed relatives devices. the focal point is at the young ones simply because, whether or not they are 'his', 'hers' or 'theirs', it's the young ones who, typically, are accountable both at once or ultimately for the luck or failure of the hot family. knowing how children, tweens and youths understand the hot occasions during which they locate themselves, and their attainable reactions to their new residing surroundings, is the essence of the publication. yet it's no longer all concerning the kids. Adults are frequently at their so much fragile and weak while forming new relationships, and the booklet offers worthwhile instruments with which to solve the various demanding situations of residing jointly in a mixed relatives. Flicky Gildenhuys equips mom and dad with tried-and-tested, down-to-earth mental instruments and the event won from a long time of kin counselling to regulate no matter what concerns may possibly come up and accomplish precise and lasting happiness as a brand new relations. As a mom and step-mother herself, she is aware either the enjoyment and the turmoil that comes from having to house the prior earlier than you could construct a origin for the long run.
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Example text
It is important to understand what everyone’s expectations are. • Problems can develop when expectations are not met. • We may need to adjust our expectations. 42 3 your family of origin BLENDING FAMILIES What have you bought to the party? Now that we have some idea of what broad expectations you may have around your new family, it may be helpful to take a deeper look at your own family of origin and how that experience has contributed towards your understanding of what it means to be part of a family.
I felt so hopeless not being able to protect my daughter from being forced to spend weekends with her dad and his new wife. I had to just trust that she would find a way to deal with it, even though she hated it so much. It helped that I would let her talk about it when she came home, and I tried not to criticise her dad and make it worse. She is still so angry with him for leaving us. ’ Francesca, mother to Frances, aged 12. Divided loyalty Research has shown that the primary difficulty children have after parental separation or divorce involves the sense of loyalty they may have towards each parent.
41 BLENDING FAMILIES Summary • W e enter into a blended family with expectations. • Our values and beliefs about family play an important role in our expectations. • Children also have expectations. • Expectations can be positive or negative. • It is important to understand what everyone’s expectations are. • Problems can develop when expectations are not met. • We may need to adjust our expectations. 42 3 your family of origin BLENDING FAMILIES What have you bought to the party? Now that we have some idea of what broad expectations you may have around your new family, it may be helpful to take a deeper look at your own family of origin and how that experience has contributed towards your understanding of what it means to be part of a family.