By Chelsea Handler
In this raucous choice of true-life tales, actress and comic Chelsea Handler recounts her time spent within the social trenches with that wild, unusual, impossible to resist, and infrequently satisfying beast: the one-night stand.
You've both performed it or be aware of an individual who has: the one-night stand, the frequent final result of an evening spent at a bar, occasionally the only payoff to your friend's frustrating marriage ceremony, or the one reduction from a disastrous holiday. usually embarrassing and uncomfortable, sometimes outlandish, yet so much instances only a invaluable and impossible to resist evil, the one-night stand is a social ceremony as outdated as intercourse itself and as universal as a bar stool.
Enter Chelsea Handler. stunning, sharp, and whatever yet shy, Chelsea loves males and plenty of them. My Horizontal lifestyles chronicles her romp throughout the varied bedrooms of quite a few suitors, a no-holds-barred account of what can take place among a guy and a occasionally very intoxicated, outgoing lady in the course of one evening of ardour. From her brief fling with a Vegas stripper to her even shorter dalliance with a well-endowed little individual, from her uncomfortable tryst with a cruise send performer to her erroneous rebound with a guy who loves to play leather-based dress-up, Chelsea remembers the highs and lows of her one-night stands with hilarious honesty. inspired by means of her motley selection of neighbors (aka: her companions in crime) yet challenged through her relations (who from time to time locate themselves a shock a part of the encounter), Chelsea hits backside and bounces again, unafraid to percentage the gritty info. My Horizontal lifestyles is one accountable excitement you won't be ashamed to discuss within the morning.
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Extra info for My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands
Sample text
Sloane crept back toward the top of the staircase. I set up for a running start. " I asked her. " she whispered. Seeing your mother naked is not something you easily recover from. Seeing your mother naked and jumping from one side of a king-sized bed to the other with a nurse's hat on while your father, who is also naked, is chasing her with a bandanna around his neck, is reason to put yourself up for adoption. Fortunately, I took the first picture before anything had a chance to register. The second picture was of my father heading toward me with a belt.
I was so confused. At first I thought, Oh, great, I had a baby. Then I felt under the covers. My underwear was still on. I knew you could never have a baby with your underwear still on. Then I heard what sounded like someone jumping off the toilet seat and landing on the floor. "Whew, these tiles are cold," said someone who sounded like he'd just inhaled an entire tank of helium. That squeaky little voice was too much. It all started coming back to me, and it was not good. My head was spinning and I was not in a good mood.
You're not the first person to tell me that, love. " Tyrone had been the first black man I had had sex with, and I felt very strongly about venturing farther into that arena. com. Since he also lived with his parents, I had to wait until mine were out of town before we could set up our first rendezvous. My brothers and sisters had all moved out and I was the only child left at home. Jerome and I had exchanged photos of ourselves, and as long as he looked somewhat similar to his picture, I knew we would be having sex.